Due to being only 5 weeks pregnant it was unnecessary to tell lots of people. However, there were a few that needed to be told.
The first family member I told was my mum even though I was scared. We had a rough patch in our relationship when I was in my final year of high school. A rough patch where I was kicked out of home and we barely spoke, and I didn’t want me being pregnant to destroy our relationship all over again. I tried to make casual conversation before I told her anything, but those of you who know my mum know that she gets straight to the point. Immediately she asked my why I rang her knowing I wouldn’t ring unless I had something to say. I dropped the news expecting her to be disappointed. Surprisingly though she was sweet. It took about two minutes of processing before she was brainstorming what she would be called, “Nanma, Granny, Baba.” She was immediately excited for me and this new wee life. I knew after speaking with her that I had her full support.
Mum passed the news onto my Dad (technically speaking my step father but he raised me so he is my dad). I wasn’t at all nervous for his response because from the moment he came into my life he has loved me like his own. So I knew no matter what the circumstances he would be proud of me. When hearing the news he was supportive. More so than anyone if I am completely honest. He loves whanau and absolutely loves me so he was looking forward to his very first moko! He made sure I knew he wasn’t disappointed in me, and as always said all the right things.
With the conversation with Mum done, I then had to tell me dad (talking about my biological dad now). No girl wants to tell their Dad they’re pregnant. Their response is a scary thought! I txt him to ring me then ignored his calls about three times before finally picking up (sorry Dad). I was shaking as I told him that Cale and I were having a baby. His response, “Hoooooly shit.” He did tell me he was disappointed in the news, but he soon came around. Before hanging up he told me he loved me which is exactly what I needed to hear at the time.
This next part is hard for me to write, but I was recently reminded that I started this blog to help other people in the same situation as me and I can’t do that if I’m not 100% honest. The responses to my pregnancy weren’t all positive. I had disappointed some people, and some didn’t want me to have the baby. Yes, I was told I should terminate. Which did hurt me. I was told how hard it would be instead of being encouraged that I would be a good mum. People made me out like I was a failure, and that my mum screwed up in raising me. It broke my heart hearing things like this. I started to believe the things that were said and I was so ashamed of myself. Often I questioned whether keeping the baby was even the right thing to do. Though the negative comments seemed louder than the encouraging ones, and I was too ashamed to even look in the mirror, I stuck to my decision of keeping my baby.
I was never going to be able to control how others reacted, I could only ever control my response. I chose to listen to the encouragement, ignore those that didn’t support or believe in me and be the best mum I could be.